Still a better story than twilight.

So I felt like writing a story randomly, so I did. This is only about, what a first chapter max? but I still think it is currently a better story than twilight.

Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom, a Queen gave birth to twins, a girl and a boy. However, the siblings got separated, and soon after, the girl became a selfish queen and the boy became her loyal tool. The Servant of Evil...

"Come on slowpokes!" A boy said excitedly, as he ran towards the top of a hill. His hair was blue and it waved in the wind peacefully, as if every aspect of light was worshiping him. On his head, there were planted 2 little cat ears, and coming from under his shirt could be seen a blue tail, flicking happily in the sun. His face was near-perfect, save one scar on his left eye. His nose and mouth were neither too big nor too small. His shirt could be seen coming out of the bottom of his chain mail, made of a fine silk. The armour itself was expensive, handcrafted out of Dragonbone steel, a rare substance only crafted in the most outcast kingdoms. His legs were coated in a fine leather, fit for durability and protection. Over all this, he wore a black silk overcoat with the initials "MUNF" written on in silver lettering. Softly, he moved his foot into a rock and placed his hand on his leg, revealing a black leather boot, as he looked out over the kingdom in front of him. "There it is, the kingdom of Albion." He said, as he smiled brightly.
"Gee, calm down Mira," said a girl, panting heavily as she gently strolled up onto the hill next to him. Like him, she had a black overcoat and wore black leather boots. Her face was small and pretty, and her hair long and fine. Unlike him, she did not wear any chain mail. Instead, all of her armour was made of the finest leather. It was a moderately fine fit, however it was tight around her chest to make her breasts appear smaller than they were. She had a sword visible over her back, and a small necklace around her with a cross on. "Glow is still at the bottom of the hill, don't you think we should take a short break and wait for her?"
"psh," he replied, briefly followed by "you're no fun nee, I don't know why I still travel with you 2." Neama's face started to go red with anger at this statement, but then it returned to it's original state as Mirasi looked at her with an innocent smile and jokingly said, "just kidding! you know I'd be no-where without you and glow. Well actually, I probably would be somewhere, but that place isn't here!" He looked up at the westward sun and took his foot off the rock. "It's getting late anyway, we should probably camp here for the night. I say we have another 30 daylight sunshadows until the great darkness hits."
Neama sighs as she looks hopelessly at Mirasi. "and how many minutes does a sunshadow equate too THIS time, Mira? Gosh, if only I could tell the time by looking in the sky like you do..."
Mira smiles positively. "The current exchange rate for one sunshadow is one minute!" He remarks quite proudly. Then, he takes a scroll from under his overcoat and unrolls it. He places it on the ground as he places one hand in the centre of it and starts chanting: "yulerou rinnega dafeu shalero kogira." A blue light surrounds him as a tent appears in front of them with a campfire set up in front of it.
"You didn't have to do the whole ritual, Mira. I know you can summon it just by thinking it." A voice says, as a third figure comes up to the top of the hill. Like the other two, she was in a black overcoat. Her hair was moderately short for a girl with a browny red colour, as well as her muscles slightly bigger than those you'd expect. Over her back there was a giant claymore with a golden thread coming out of the handle.
"Oh but I did, Glowstick! It makes it all the more fun. Besides, you're late!" Said Mirasi in a childish manner. Glowstick proceeded unamused and continued on into the tent. A few moments later, a loud array of giggles and laughter were heard from inside the tent. "Typical," Neama and Mirasi said simultaneously, as if they expected her to do that. They then sat next to the campfire as they settled down for the evening, roasting marshmallows over the fire in front of them.

i didnt read it but the title said it was better so i think it is better

pretty good

The story had a certain invigoration about it. The writing was great, nice word choices as well. All in all i can expect this to become a great story. Can't wait for you to write more.

i liked it a lot